I have a BS degree in psychology and nursing. Here is my hypothesis as to how some people can better deal with stress. I am now 73 years old.

The Science of Assertiveness theory — aka folk knowledge (trial and error science)

Assertive (Leadership) behavior of humans: Builds relationships

Ask yourself, “Will the long-term affects be worse than any short-term discomfort I may feel if I am assertive in the first place?”

The word “NO”, you may have to be repeated over and over, as in a broken record.

An angry and loud communication can be assertive if one is expressing feelings (Using the word “I”, ( I am really goo damn anger at you …)

vs. HOSTILE behavior-destroys a relationship: … You dumb ass, didn’t your mother teach you to report to work on time, etc. etc. Why, didn’t you do such and such…. Normal people should do such and such without I have to tell you.

If someone has a habit of saying, “Why, don’t you do such and such…” we all understand this to mean “I want you” to do such and such. There seems to be some kind of a taboo in our culture against people saying straight up, that we want.

On the use of the word YOU:

…the use of the word “you” is assertive when a person is acting in the role of boss, parent, or leader, for example, a law enforcer, a teacher, the chair of a meeting. For example, “YOU are expected to be recognized by the Chair before speaking at our meetings.” “You are expected to” (follow the rules, etc) , then every time the other person comes up with excuses, sob stories, etc, repeating this phase again and again (“You are expected to” (aka using the broken record shows the other person that you are not afraid to stand your ground and they need for them to rethink their poor behavior.

When someone asks you with a “WHY not? The assertive answer is not answering.

But remember being skeptically silent is assertive. Meaning, if I try to get in the last word.. will I get punched in the nose or some other bad result.

Speaking up in a group to speak is assertive because one is taking the “psychological space” of the whole group.

Hostile behavior: A person uses sarcasm and intimidation to get what they want. One may get what they want, but destroys the relationship afterwards.

It is easy to give up the benefits of hostile behavior when we value ourself enough to avoid getting agitated over minor issues and when I am imperfect and incorrect.

Non-assertive behavior: (shy behavior) doing nothing about unpleasant situations and simply try to ignore ones feelings and desires. While it may prevent conflicts with others, one probably will wind up feeling helpless, exploited, angry, and disappointed with one’s self.

For example, “I am sorry to bother you.” This is an example, of how being NICE sucks us into a non-assertive down-hill fall. vs. “I want to talk to you.” “ I need your help or I need or want to talk to you.”

or “It was nice talking to you.” (when we didn’t enjoy talking to someone).

Basic Assertive Rights:

The right to act in ways that promote my dignity and self-respect as long as others’ rights are not violated in the process.
The right to be treated with respect.
The right to say no and not feel guilty.
The right to experience and express feelings.
The right to take time to slow down and think.
The right to change my mind.
The right to ask for what I want.
The right to do less than I are humanly capable of doing.
The right to ask for information.
The right to make mistakes.
The right to feel good about myself.

Must I always assert my rights?
No, I am always free to choose not to assert myself, assuming that I am also willing to take the responsibility for whatever consequences may then occur.
Source: The Assertive Option by Patricia Jakubowski and Arthur J. Lange
and NO TRESPASSING by Barker and Barker.
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I think all humans need a philosophy to understand if they are happy. Here is mine

HAPPINESS IS GETTING WHAT YOU NEED.

EVERYONE NEEDS: Liberty, peace, health, sex, mind exercise, knowledge,
personal associations, art and creativity, character and a sense of
justice, // and to be assertive (to be able to say “no” without feeling
guilty//.

NO ONE NEEDS ARBITRARY POWER OVER OTHER PEOPLE –
This is Mortimer Adler’s definition of happiness and my additions in between these hash marks // — //.

I made up the following questionnaire to weed out candidates who seek our endorsement, but who may support political views exemplified by the Trumpster and Qanon believers.

And of course the candidates should feel free to explain their answer(s). And even refusing to answer some questions may tell us a lot about the candidate.
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Do you believe we are will never run out of CHEAP oil and natural gas?

Do you believe scientists are wrong about global warming being a very serious threat and the cause is not man-made?

Do you believe the population growth is nothing to worry about?

Do you believe only three bullets were fired at President Kennedy and Lee Oswald fired all three?

Do you believe people have actually seen an alien being or a space ship (aka UFOs from out-space); notwithstanding that people have seen strange things/lights in the sky that are unexplained?

Do you believe that the US government has recovered parts of an alien out-space craft, that aliens brought technology to earth and that is the reason we humans now have it?

Do you believe human civilizations in the past gained advanced technologically that science has only discovered in the past 100 years?

Do you believe that Nikola Tesla invented unlimited, free energy and the energy producing, companies are keeping it secret?

Do you believe that people can somehow predict the future, communicate with dead people, and/or read other people’s thoughts?

Do you believe that there may be real ghosts and demons that make people crazy, aka “demonic possessed”?

Do you believe that the US did not really land a man on the moon and/or 12 Americans did not really walked on the moon?

Do you believe our elections can be faked or hacked even if the exit polls results agree statistically with the election results?

Are you troubled by the fact that Nancy Pelosi did not publically speak up after she learned in about 30 private briefings that Bush and the boys were planning to use torture?

Do you believe the Democratic led Congress was wrong for not prosecuting of Bush et al for war crimes, for allowing Gina Haspel to become CIA Director, and for not prosecuting CIA officer Jose Rodriguez for destroying the video tapes of CIA torture?

Are you troubled about all the past presidents who have made war on other nations without a Congressional declaration for war and Obama doing drone attacks (aka a war on terrorism)?

Do you believe economic sanctions placed on other nations by presidents should require a Congressional declaration of war by sanctions?

Do you believe a President Trump should have gotten a Congressional declaration to sell weapons to nations like Saudi Arabia given their war against Yemen and after they killed a US journalist?

Do you believe on 9/11 that all three of the World Trade Center buildings totally collapsed to ground level only due to airplanes and office fires?

Do you believe it is freedom of speech for corporations to give money to candidates?

Do you believe that the holocaust of the Jews did not happen?

Do you believe that our national income tax is unconstitutional?

Do you believe that low levels of fluoride used to prevent tooth decay in our drinking water, is poisoning people?

Do you believe vaccines cause autism?

Do you believe depleted uranium weapons used by the US military did not harm civilians during the wars and long after the wars end?

Do you agree we are in a war on science?

Do you believe we need a new law called “assessor to a pandemic” to punish sheriffs who violates the order of our Governor for social distancing and etc?

Do you believe we need a new law authorizing the Secretary of Defense and/or the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to protect the Congress and US Supreme Court Justices from a rioting mob if the President does not act?

Shouldn’t we be asking every candidate these questions, even candidates for judge?

What other questions do suggest we should be asking?

My answers are all NO except for:

Are you troubled by the fact that Nancy Pelosi speak up publicly after she was briefed in about 30 private briefings that Bush and the boys were planning to use torture. YES

Do you believe the Democratic led Congress was wrong for not prosecuting of Bush et al for war crimes, for allowing Gina Haspel to become CIA Director, and for not prosecuting CIA officer Jose Rodriguez for destroying the video tapes of CIA torture? YES

Are you troubled about all the past presidents who have made war on other nations without a declaration for war by Congress or by Obama’s drone attacks, aka war on terrorism? YES
Do you believe economic sanctions placed on another nations by presidents need to require a declaration of war by sanctions by Congress? YES

Do you believe a President Trump should have gotten a Congressional “declaration to sell weapons” to nations like Saudi Arabia due to their war against Yemen and after it killed a US journalist? YES

Do you agree we are in a war on science? YES
Do you believe we need a new law called “assessor to a pandemic” to punish sheriffs who violate the orders of our Governor? YES

Do you believe we need a new law authorizing the Secretary of Defense and/or the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff to protect the Congress and US Supreme Court Justices from a rioting mob if the President does not act? YES
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Resolution that all leaders of our political party should be required to answers the following questions.

WHEREAS the following questionnaire will help us weed out political party leaders and candidates who seek our endorsement, but who supported political views exemplified by the Trumpster and Qanon believers.

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED all members nominated for leadership role in your political party should be required to answers the following questions prior to a vote for election and with other questions the endorsement committee may want to ask via their questionnaire sent to candidates prior to an interview.
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Stay safe,
Richard McManus
Chief Warrant Officer-3/counterintelligence special agent (more like an FBI agent than CIA officer) and combat paramedic/LPN, Vietnam US Army retired, BS psychology and nursing, ,former 911 telephone guy Seattle police department and King County Police officer, Everett, WA, dick.mcmanus@yahoo.com